Stress

I’ve been stressing out a lot lately. Between an impending graduation, final papers, honors exams, and fundraising for my move to Taiwan in a couple of months I have been struggling not to feel overwhelmed. And I’ve been struggling trusting that God will bring me through, that I will do well on honors exams, raise the money I need to get to Taiwan, and succeed as an adult.

Today, I was having a conversation with a friend over dinner. As we discussed Jesus in Matthew, the multiple stories of Jesus feeding multitudes of people with just a few fish and a few loaves of bread was brought up. I made fun of the disciples, and even felt frustrated over them, that after watching Jesus miraculously feed the 5,000, they still worried the next time they did not have enough food for 4,000. How could they so easily forget what Jesus had once done right before their own eyes? And how could they forget the many other miracles they had witnessed Him perform?

It only took a second for it to hit me just how hypocritical it was of me to deride the disciples for something I do every day. Even though time and time again I’ve seen God come through and make a way where previously I thought none existed, I still continue to doubt Him. I’m happy that He performed the last miracle, but I’m far from confident that He’ll perform the next one.

So this is what I must work on during this (stressful) season: confidence that God will come through, and not living in stress that He won’t.

My song for this season: “Let Go” by DeWayne Woods

~Tiffany~

On Finding Balance (and contentment)

It’s incredibly hard to find balance at Swat.

Students often joke that there’s a “trilemma” at Swat — between good grades, a good social life, and sleep, you can only have two of the three. I wish I could say that as a senior I’ve proved this to be wrong, but sadly, in my experience at least, it’s been the truth. I have always sacrificed sleep to grades and friends, as well as to extracurriculars and pursuing a relationship with God. And I’m tired. Really, really tired.

Lately, the pressure has been even greater because I’m a second semester senior. I feel like this is my last chance to see certain people, do certain things, and have certain conversations. So I find myself again sacrificing sleep, and in some sense my sanity, to other things. Something I really wanted to focus on this year is being more self-reflective. Plato’s statement that “the unexamined life is not worth living” really resonates with me. And I’ve definitely seen how unhealthy my own life is when I’m constantly going, going, going and not spending any time just relaxing alone or thinking. So I told myself that this semester I was going to take time to myself, going to reflect on life, and going to write it down. I’ve largely failed.

So I’m again at the point in the semester that I always reach where I feel unreasonably angsty and over-worked and just generally not satisfied with my college experience, but not really knowing what to do about it. Except this time I do know what to do about it. It starts with getting some sleep. And taking some time to myself. And thinking a lot more about what I’m doing and why I’m doing it. And making the choice to just ignore all the different voices around me and feel comfortable about where I am in life. And finally, I simply need to stop feeling so angsty. It really is unreasonable. I have great family, friends, education, a comfortable life, and a million and one possibilities and opportunities for the future. And most importantly I have a God that loves me. Could I ask for anything better?

When my life gets really out of balance (which is true for most of the semester) I often find it very hard to be content at Swat. It’s good to remember that while Swat is far from perfect and while I’m not completely satisfied with my life here, I should not allow that to consume my happiness. And I should not map that frustration onto the school.

I’d like to end with this thought from Paul: “For I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances…I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry,whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” (Philippians 4:11-13)

~Tiffany~